Sorrow, Psalm 139, & the Good Shepherd

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“O dear friend, when thy grief presses thee to the very dust, worship there!”

~ Charles Spurgeon

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The story of August:

Fans running throughout the house and strawberry lemonade on days of 100 degrees

Summer marigolds in the garden

On a day of hospital visits—Christians who stand firm in the surgery waiting room, quoting James, to “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds”

A cloudy afternoon, baking and cinnamon smells, Bach on the Victrola, and crape myrtles blooming forth outside

The day the rains came and the heat broke at last

A cool Saturday morning to open the screens and drink coffee; spreading a tablecloth for breakfast outside

Fixing up the guest bedroom for my family’s visit: a new bedframe, yellow quilt, and hanging pictures on the walls

. . .

When in the ER, I found out I was miscarrying our baby, songs of truth that found me:

Surely goodness, surely mercy
Right beside me all my days
And I will dwell in Your house forever
And bless Your holy name.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
You are on my side.[i]

In the thin hours of the next morning, when darkness felt heavy all around me, the sound of a bird at the window like Hope itself singing into my crashing sorrow, telling me dawn would come

Sunday morning, sitting by an open screen, reading Elisabeth Elliot, and the truth of Jesus and His suffering coming into the room as sweetly as the August wind

“For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” ~ 2 Cor. 1:5

My parents, Jared’s parents, all able to come sit with us in our sorrow

The rare blessing of getting to bury our baby — our little Poppy, as we’d called them — and knowing he/she will only rest until the Great Resurrection in the end, when Jesus raises imperishable from the dust what was perishable

“For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth.” ~ Job 19:25

Jared buying me a bouquet of red and yellow carnations

Finding healing in rest and also in my siblings visiting for a week: laughter, tears, animal crackers, paddle smash pickleball, crazy Lila hair, and cuddling a two-month-old Eden all sweaty in my arms

Reading Safe in the Arms of God by John MacArthur, which held forth so much truth about heaven

Finding cards and gifts from church members in the mail each day

Meditating on Psalm 139

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there were none of them.”
~ Psalm 139:16

Taking fresh marigolds to Poppy’s grave, giving thanks

. . .

When my grandma (Mema) came home on hospice, God’s gracious timing in healing me enough to travel and be with her

On long days and evening at Mema’s bedside, the family gathered all over the house, playing games, the piano, holding babies, and singing hymns in harmony around her

My Mom’s and Papa Jay’s sweet care, up to the end

On Sunday morning, the great relief of watching Mema enter Christ’s rest, home at last

Jared reading from 1 Corinthians 15–

“When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on mortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:
‘Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?'”
~ 1 Cor. 15:54-55

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[i] Shane and Shane. “Psalm 23 (Surely Goodness, Surely Mercy).” Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/2Zxili8AmCuqiomg9HzTgH?si=e322b185ddd1442c